Everybody loves the "F" word.

(He he he he !!), What the auck are you laughing at, you bucking retard. :-P. Sounds amazing doesn't it ? I love using the F word. I'm sure you do too because if you don't then you're just a dumb cuck. I don't think it's regarded as a curse word anymore. Everyone uses it, it sounds funny and hilarious and I don't see any reason for people to get offended if I yell out, DUCK! U!. Even god got replaced with the F word. I remember times when people exclaimed "Oh God!". I also remember the time when they changed it to "Oh Euck!". As of the current century we've decided to get rid of the "Oh" and people just tend to go "Guck!!!!!!!" when something Hucks up. It saves time I guess. I don't know man, I don't really Iucking care. I'm stuck in my bloody office and it's almost 1 am. My Sunday got ruined and I'm so Jucking pissed off , it's not even a joke. So, I'm just writing random blog entries. KUCKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! you bloody Luckers, let me go home.....

Anyway, my point was the F word is amazing. Do you know why ?? huh?? huh?? huh ?? It's simple. I've gone through half the alphabets using random Mucking letters but it just doesn't feel right. That's because the F word is NUCKING SUPERB!!!


NOTE : This blog entry is a result of absolute frustration and a high degree of boredom.

Go to hell...

Love

Oucker.

Flying Fish

After 2 years of being vegetarian I finally succumbed to a nice bbq'd juicy succulent marinated chicken leg and ever since there's been no looking back. I feel bad and think about going back to vegetarianism but as of now I'm kinda ignoring my conscience. Anyway, last night I had a dream about a fish. A Pomfret to be precise. (It's a diamond shaped fish). The strange thing about the dream was that I wasn't eating the fish. I had apparently managed to tie a knot around the fish's tail and I was flying it like a kite. Why ?? I have no idea.. But it was quite hilarious when I thought about it in the morning.

I wonder what's next.

Phew!

Search...

I search,
Like I have always,
to find myself, to find my purpose,
To know what I am meant to do,
and figure how to do it.
I'm sure it's something great,
I just don't know what yet
and until I know I can't do much
except
just search...

Beat of another kind

Last week I got frustrated with my life, work and everything. I felt horrible, bored, confused and irritated. The weekend came and I was sitting at home with these feelings bottled up inside me. I had to get out of the house so I asked an old friend to meet up. She was nice enough to oblige and off I went to see her. We had a great time, she introduced me to a few of her friends. It was a pleasant evening full of laughter, fun, food and chit chat. I was glad I got out of home. We all dined at a nice restaurant and talked of life, careers etc. It was getting late and I had to catch the last train so I hurried my bye bye's and took a rickshaw to the nearest railway station. Luckily, I was in time to catch the last local train to Kandivali (that's where I stay). The station at night was quite nice. No rush, no screaming and there was this eerie silence that I wasn't used to. It was nice. My train was 5 minutes late but it came for sure. I boarded the usual 2nd class coach and rushed to take the spot next to the door. I didn't have to, considering there weren't many folks competing to get that spot that time of the night. But I guess one becomes so used to fighting for a spot in the local trains that it just becomes sort of a reflex. The train embarked lazily on its final journey for the day. I stood at the door watching the city go by in a blur. The wind blew across my face as I struggled to stay awake. I love taking the train at night. The city looks very different through sleepy eyes. Tired shadows try hard to transform into something meaningful and just end up failing miserably. I was enjoying my ride, thinking about the nice evening I had had , thinking about how amazing it would be if I could just travel and meet new people, taste food from all over the world, become a food critic. That would be the perfect thing. I was imagining myself in new places, close to nature. With my eyes closed and the wind hitting my face it felt somewhat real. For a moment I thought I heard someone singing but I ignored it owing it to my imagination. It was not until the beating started that I pulled my head away from the door and looked inside. There was this boy about 12-13 years of age. He was bare from the waist above and he was singing. He was using the sides of his stomach as an accompaniment. Repeatedly he slapped it trying to keep up with his song. I don't know if it was the pain that made him cry at the end or was it just all a facade but I was moved. I went over to hand him some money. He didn't acknowledge my presence and I actually had to shake him to bring him back to reality. The right side of his stomach was bruised, his constant slapping had tattooed his finger marks on his body. The boy covered his eyes and began crying after his song was over. He struggled on his feet and walked over to the people in the train to beg for money. Everyone seemed almost as shocked as I was. I hoped he got enough to get a meal, a shirt, an instrument maybe. Here I was complaining about my life, feeling frustrated over not being satisfied and there in front of me was this boy who couldn't even get the privilege to complain. It's been about a week since this happened but even now as I write about it, I cry within for his misery. I looked the other way when it got unbearable and saw my station approaching. I hurried off the train hoping to leave behind what I had seen. I took the western exit and saw a few eunuchs dressed in saari's calling out to prospective clients passing by. I dropped my head low and quickly got into a rickshaw.

"Charkop" , I said and started back towards my almost sea facing home on the 14th floor.

And that's just my "Uncomfortable" life that I complain of. Sigh! :(

Hair cutting, doing nothing , pum! pum!

It's been quite a while since I blogged. In fact I've been keeping a mental note of a few things that I want to write about but for some reason I just don't get down to it. Today, I felt like writing but not about the stuff I've been thinking about. I just wanted to randomly write and that's exactly what I'm doing.

So, the weekend was pretty good. A friend came over on Sunday and we sang and practiced a few nice songs for the band. The day went by singing and I woke up to face the dawn of Monday. Of course my alarm didn't go off as usual. But I have a fail safe now. My maid comes at 7:30am daily and the Ding Dong! wakes me. The Ding Dong is the bell btw. Oh but wait, my maid was on a leave so she didn't wake me up. I wonder how I got up :S . Well, I did, which was good and so somehow I managed to get to office. The roads were all mukcy. The rains in Mumbai arn't that bad. It's the muck on the road that gets to you. I HATE it when the bottom of my jeans get dirty. I was wearing floaters (don't know what posessed me) so I was quite mucked up. I reached office, logged in, stepped out to eat breakfeast, came back, sat, got up, stepped out to pee, drank water, came back, sat again and waited for others to come. People step in and out whenever they want to. And at about 9am there's hardly anyone from the management present so one can get away with it. Before 9am it's even better. The office is absolutely empty. Around 7am a lost soul will enter rubbing his/her eyes, yawning like there's no tomorrow. Other's arrive following a similar pattern. It seems like the office wakes up too, tossing and turning, cursing under its breath as the chit chat grows.

My shift timings now are 9am - 6pm. So I reach by about 9:30. Others in my team start coming in around 11. Monday was no different. I was busy staring at my monitor, not really doing anything constructive, when a colleague of mine walks in with a haircut. A few hours later the CEO of the company walks in with a haircut too. Soon the programmers lead walks in looking like captain spock from Star Trek (a pretty cool style I thought). It seemed like the barbers made quite a few bucks over the weekend. I needed a haircut too. My hair had turned fuzzy due to the rain and it was almost out of control. Moreover, I'd found a haircut place close to my house and I wanted to visit again.

So today, I went in. The barber asked me to sit down on this really cool barbers chair. Somewhat like a lazy boy. Well, not like the lazy boy but you know it had leg support too. It felt like keeping my legs on an ironing board but what the hell, it was fun. I never got hair cut's with my legs elevated in Delhi.

The barber came along and did the usual cotton wrapping, cloth tying routine to prevent the hair from falling in. Then he asked me "Small, Medium, Long?". I told him to do whatever he feels right. I like giving barbers the freedom to experiment with my hair hoping to one day find somebody who can magically transform my hair to look uber cool. Unfortunately, they find it quite intimidating, both my hair and the chance to do whatever they want with it . I don't know why they want to be told. You're a barber for god's sake. Your life revolves around hair. You should know what to do with it. Still I told him "Medium" followed by the usual "Or whatever you think is right!".

The haircut took about 20 minutes but I don't mind that. In fact, I kindda like hair cuts. You never know what it'll end up looking like and the strange part is that it's shaping up RIGHT in front of you. It's quite interesting. I'd like to learn how to cut hair once. Hmmmmm... anyway so after the cut he gets this round mirror to the back of my head. Now I DONT UNDERSTAND why they do that. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ? I just turn my head up and down and then to the side, I pause once or twice and stare into the mirror as if I've found a flaw in the cut. But honestly, I really don't know what the hell I'm doing. It's just reflex and I feel like I'm the boss so I do it :P . I think they just bring that mirror to remind you that there's a back to your head too, just in case you forget.

It cost me 50 bucks to get my head look human again. I was in double minds to leave a tip but I eventually decided against it. It was raining hard and the broker was waiting at the flat (Why? you'll find out soon :D) . Up went my umbrella and I looked down at my mucky jeans. "Rudraksha Saloon" reflected beneath in a puddle of water next to my soul (sole).

I stepped in as I walked out.

But that's just my life :)

5 minutes of fame, without a hint of shame

Luckily my phone alarm went off today. So, I was at the station on time. I rushed to buy a ticket for Malad and headed towards platform 1. The train had just arrived and I saw a man boarding the 2nd class coach. I followed his lead and climbed on. Almost instantly, I heard a "daphli" play. It's kindda like a tambourine but with a resonating membrane that fills the center. I looked around to find the source and saw a young girl holding a baby in one arm and the instrument in the other. The child was deep in sleep and the mother ( I assume ) was singing to earn her daily bread. Another little girl (her daughter maybe) moved amongst the passengers, holding her hand out on spotting an enthusiast. I watched from a distance avoiding the little girls gaze.

She sang well, her voice was clear and loud like of a folk singer's. The daphli seemed like the perfect accompaniment. Her baby slept peacefully listening to it's mother's voice, it's lullaby maybe....

I couldn't hide from the little girl for long and soon she approached me and held out her hand. I gave her 10Rs and she stared at the note for a second and folded it up. I wonder why she stared at it...

The girl sang devotional songs and movie songs. I didn't recognize a single one but they were nice. There's nothing like listening to sweet music in the morning. She held her head up high as she sang, looking up towards heaven, asking for forgiveness maybe, praying for her child perhaps.

I wanted to clap for her. I wanted to applaud her singing. But I couldn't. I tried pacifying myself by putting forth reason's like , "Maybe I'd offend her", "Maybe she gets embarrassed" , "She might not come again" etc etc... but the real reason was because I didn't want to be embarrassed. I pictured myself clapping after she ended and imagined everyone giving her a standing ovation, just like in the movies. It was a sweet moment, at least in my head. But what if that didn't happen ? I imagined myself standing there clapping alone like a fool. I didn't want that. I wanted to encourage the girl's singing but not at the cost of my dignity. Question is, would I have lost it even a bit if I had clapped. I feel horrible now.. I should have clapped instead of thinking about what other's would think about me if I did.

I stood there as my head and my heart battled out and the girl silently got off at the next station.

But that's just my life....

The kaala bandar (Black Monkey)

Okay, so i saw Delhi 6. I thought it would be great but it was not ALL that great. Anyway, there was something in the movie which really intrigued me. If you haven't seen it , there is a scene where this mentally unstable man walks around with a mirror and tells everyone to look into it. The motive was searching for god within oneself. It was quite absurd at first but then I remembered something I used to do. I don't agree with the whole searching for god bit, but yeah the mirror thing actually works.

Try this,

Make sure you're alone, maybe in your room or wherever the hell you want to be. Just have a mirror with you. Now don't have those tiny irritating mirrors which only show half your face. You must have a mirror big enough to see your face ( all together) . Go stand in front of the mirror and stare at yourself. It'll come naturally to you. Stare into your own eyes and look at your face. Observe the way your face is structured, your eyes, nose etc etc. Soon you will start getting uncomfortable looking at yourself. It will feel as if you're staring at a stranger. You'll wonder what kind of a face you have, that you look funny. You'll start doubting your existence.

This takes about 10 minutes but may vary from person to person. It gets a little eery but it works. I don't know why it happens, who you see in your own reflection but after sometime, it's not you. Maybe you see god, maybe your soul, maybe Kaala Bandar, I don't know!!! but it's interesting.

So try it out...